Things You Hear in Middle School

Here, presented without context, are 5 things that were said by my students (or me) during the course of the last school year:

1. Jimmy: “If you don’t stop doing that I’ll barf on you.”

   Travis: “Well then I’ll just barf on you back!”

   Jimmy: “I’ll barf on you again!”

   Travis: “I’ll barf on you again!!”

   Me: “No one is gonna’ barf on anyone. Understood!?”

   Jimmy and Travis: “Fine.” (grudgingly)

2. Tiffany: “Mr. Bartlett, I thought of a great idea for a class project!”

   Me: “Cool. What’s that, Tiffany?”

   Tiffany: “Work together to burn the school down!”

3. Me: <observes child tightly wrapping string around finger>

   Me: “Javy, stop cutting off circulation to your own finger.”

   Javy: “Awww.” (very disappointed)

4. Zack: “Luciano Pavarotti is trash.”

   Me: “Zack, do you even know who Luciano Pavarotti is?”

   Zack: “No. But he’s definitely trash.”

   Me: <annoyed>

5. Me: “Hugging is a privilege, not a right!” (loudly, to the entire class)

So there ya’ go. Five gems right there. Honestly, so much more great stuff than this was said, but I didn’t write it down. Next year I’ll do better.

Note: All names have been changed to protect the (not) innocent.