Bad Invention of the Day: Accordion Post-it Notes

At least once per day, I jot down a note on a post-it note, some critical detail or tip that will prove invaluable later on, and then I throw that post-it note in the trash. Why? Because I wrote the thing upside down, goddamit. Or, at least, kind of upside down. Here is an example of what I mean:

DO YOU SEE THAT!? The sticky part, the part that adheres, is at the bottom, leaving the top half of the note to just sort of float and flutter about. That, my friends, is unacceptable. I mean, the aesthetics are just awful. How am I supposed to look at that? Moreover, it’s simply less functional. A post-it note is designed to be hung from the top. That is where the sticky part belongs. But the inventor of the accordion post-it note, soulless monster that he or she is, clearly didn’t care about that. No, they just thought it would be cute to have the sticky parts rotate on each and every sheet.

THAT IS MADNESS! Sheer derangement. When I write out a post-it note, I write it on the pad, while the individual note is still affixed. Not before. Who does it before? Then you’d already be sticking it on something. Asinine behavior, that.

No, you do it before; then you pull it off the pad. But with an accordion post-it note pad, it’s nigh impossible to detect which side is up and which is down; which contains the glorious sticky goo and which does not. So, about 40% of the time, I write the note upside-down. Now, some of you might be thinking: “Colin, why don’t you just check which side can be pulled off before writing the note?” And to that I say: FOOLISH! Foolish and inefficient! I’m a busy man. I don’t have time to be checking for loose ends every time I want to write a note. I simply want to put ink to paper and get on with it. And you should, too!

So join me, friends. Do not fear your Evil Accordion Post-it Note Overlords any longer. No longer! We will rise up, we will round up the accordion post-it note pads, and burn them—-burn them in the flames of hell, from whence they came, and where they shall return. JOIN ME!!