For fans of the film series, John Wick needs no introduction. But if you are unfamiliar with the movies, here is all you really need to know about the famed assassin:

He is a man of...

...focus

...commitment

...and sheer fucking will.

He is...the Baba Yaga.

But I think it's time we dig a bit deeper into the legend of John Wick. It's time to take a dive inside the man, to get a feel for his psyche. What makes him who he is? What compels him to do the badass things he does?

Furthermore, what must a person do to be John Wick? What traits, motivations and skills must they possess?

Without further delay, here are the five characteristics you must possess to be John Wick.

1. You must love your puppy very much

The first requirement for being John Wick is owning a puppy, and feeling intense love and adoration for it. You must look at the puppy meaningfully, and let it sleep on the bed with you. You must buy it kibble, and drive it around in your muscle car at a high rate of speed. Ideally, this puppy will have been gifted to you posthumously by your wife, who died of a terminal illness or something.

Even more importantly, though, if your puppy is harmed, you must execute no less than fifty Russian men who were really only tangentially related to the puppy being injured. You must do this ruthlessly and without hesitation. The culmination of the murderous revenge for your lost puppy should result in the death of your former employer, the head of the Russian mafia in New York City.

2. You must shoot people from no further than three feet away

Look, any highly-trained assassin can shoot people with a gun, but if you want to be John Wick, you need to shoot people with a gun from no farther than 36 inches away. That is how John Wick shoots people.

If you see your prey from across an extremely loud and crowded nightclub and draw a good bead on him with your Glock, or whatever pistol you have available, you must exercise self-discipline and abstain from pulling the trigger. Instead, you must navigate through a gauntlet of insignificant Russian lackeys, striking them with your fists while grunting, until you are within one solid arm's length of your original target. Then, and only then, can you shoot.

3. You must be good friends with Willem DaFoe, who is a highly-trained assassin

A lot of you probably think you could be John Wick by now, which is understandable. But you're not considering one of the cornerstones of being John Wick: Willem Dafoe, who is also a highly-trained assassin, must be your friend.

Taking it another step, Willem DaFoe must be an expert sniper, and he must conveniently show up on a rooftop near your location whenever you have been outmatched.

He then must bail you out of trouble with a highly improbable, pinpoint-accurate shot from over 75 yards away. Twice.

This is no problem for Assassin Man Willem DaFoe.

4. At some point, you have to murder three people with a pencil

Look, there's no getting around this, and it's pretty grisly. If you want to be John Wick, at some point you have to murder three people with a pencil.

I suppose there are a number of different ways you could do this; we don't need to dive into the nitty-gritty of the whole task. Just be sure to have a durable pencil. Like, a really durable pencil. Maybe work on your hand strength, too. I feel like pencil-killing probably requires strong hands.

This is the point where a lot of people will back off trying to become John Wick. Owning a cute dog? Sure. Having Willem DaFoe as your BFF? Sounds great. But pencil-killing? That's gross. But maybe, just maybe, this last trait will reel you back in

5. You have to be Keanu Reeves

It's all been leading up to this moment. If you want to be John Wick, you actually have to be Keanu Reeves. And to be Keanu Reeves, you must do these things...